There was some funny interview form that I was filling the other day in which I was asked to describe myself in one word. And I was confused.

I couldnt find that one word. I thought I will write everything that can describe me and then I will pick the best. I wrote so many words... all of them came close to describing me, but none close enough to my satisfaction.

Dreamer. Sportsman. Inquisitive. Stupid. Sentimental. Son. Brother. Friend. Crazy. Fighter. Slogger. Lazy. Strong. Mercurial. Witty. Unreasonable. Logical. Random. Arbit. Actor. Cartoon. Stubborn. Ugly. Intelligent. Engineer. MBA. Dumb. Kind. Cruel. Poet. Happy. Ridiculous. Impossible. Easy. Wierd... and so on!

When I saw that list, I was surprised to see so many of these words contradicting each other. How could I be logical and unreasonable at the same time!. But the truth was that there indeed was a side to me which was explained by each of that word.

And then I saw people around me and saw that everybody was so much like that. A random assembly of all those characteristics.

Its upto you to see whichever side you want to see in the person in front of you. Its easy to find a faulty side to him and feel good about you being the better one. But try seeing the better side. You'd definitely see a better world. And you know what, life is not always a zero-sum game! you can still feel good :)

Btw, the one word which I finally used to describe myself was quite easy in the end. It was the first thing that came into my mind. How did I miss it, I thought. "Confused", I wrote. And it was probably the most accurate.

I hope this is a common disease in a bloggers life. Want to write so much but just cant find the words to fill in my blog :(. Its been a while since I wrote something and I so desperately wanted to update the blogdrive.. but the words just dont obey!!

I wanted to write about why 90% of the couples I see around me are opposite in nature. I was trying to analyse if they were really different? I concluded that most of the differences are very peripheral in nature and they had to be like minded for the relationship to survive in the long term.. but after i wrote the whole thing and read it, I laughed at the randomness in the blog. God damn it.. not even a single sentence made any sense :O.. I felt ashamed. Looked around me to see if anybody was peeping into the blog.. gosh.. reputation! Ctrl + A and Delete I said.. and the keyboard obeyed this time.

Then I tried writing about phenomena in the world which I categorized as impossible. I wrote about how difficult it was to understand girls, deciphering kids, pleasing Indian crowds, playing against McGrath and a few other such things. This time I thought I made a lot of sense. I smiled. Then I noticed that the blog was small. Too small. 10 lines in all. :O.  I was surprised. I thought I wrote so much :O.. This was not going to work out either. Looked around me to see if anybody was peeping into the blog.. gosh.. reputation! Ctrl + A and Delete I said.. and the keyboard obeyed again.

I took an attempt to talk about why I think my newest friend is such an amazing sweetheart. Despite the fact that she hates me thoroughly :). But I couldnt even start :O.. Somethings cannot be explained, I convinced myself :). Did not need any Ctrl +A commands this time.

I was planning to write about how good it felt when I saw that my blog hit count has crossed the 1k mark. But realized that atleast 200 of those hits must be myself.. coming back twice everyday to see if there were any comments :).. Too egotistic dude, somebody from inside said. Cool. Ctrl+A and Delete keys working fast again.

Dig at politics also happened. couldnt find the niche. Sounded more like an Aaj tak article. Dumped again.

I tried some poetry as well..:)  Okay dont laugh. You cant prove it can you? :P

Something about Dhoom2 was also contemplated. With masala on why Hritik was so much better than the randomly favourite Abhishek Bachchan. But I couldnt foresee any 'Warmth' factor that Charu keeps talking about :). Ditched it.

And then I told myself that it is probably okay. Regular blogging is not easy :) Not every body can be as consistently brilliant as  Sayesha. Sometimes you feel empty and it is quite normal to feel so.

And then I thought how about telling all this to you guys? Not all that bad an idea rite? :)

As I type effortlessly on this QWERTY keyboard, I realize how correct my Dad was... when he asked me to take up typing classes after my Xth exams. Well, he was almost right. He wanted me to learn typing and short hand because he was sure that I could only end up becoming a typist or a Babu in some office. Not too sure if he was expecting me to use it on a laptop someday.

Now that I look back in what I have learnt.. err. studied... in so many years at schools I see that typing is probably something that I have benefited the most from! Atleast it apparently seems so.

By jove, how much I loved using that new Camlin Compass Set that I had managed to get out of my Mom after weeks of consistent pestering. Its a different story that though I thoroughly enjoyed using the protractor and the triangle, I was really poor at drawing simple figures. I still am. I dont think I can still draw a straight line even with a ruler. But the point is.. today..where do I use what I learn by drawing that equilateral triangle using those wonderful intersecting arcs??

I was reasonably okay at Algebra. Solving quadratic equation with those Bsquare - 4AC formulae were interesting days. My maths teacher had taken a maternity leave and I was taking classes for about a week!. Damn I was becoming a master at it.. but by any stretch of imagination, I dont think i have seen any X, Y or Z variables in anything that I do these days.. Nothing quadratic about the presentation I made yest :(

I am surprised I still remember studying the life cycle of Larva and Caterpillar in my sciences. But I hardly have time to even look at a full fledged butterfly now a days..

Understanding those F = ma free body diagram problems in physics was probably the only time when I could actually sense the usage of my grey cells. I could solve any Physics problem those days and I am sure I must have got some 90s even in JEE Physics! But Irodov today is just another funny Russian name for me. Very funny name actually :). And looking at a falling apple on Bangalore roads is a ridiculous habit I must say.

I hated Chemistry. I think i still dont understand the difference between organic and inorganic chemistry :). Actually I cant even understand when people talk about on screen chemistry of Shahid and Kareena.

Engineering days were strange. Be it the Ohm's law or the Bernoulli's theorem, only after I reached my 3rd year, I understood what I was learning in my 1st year. But I dont think the 2 year phase lag costed me. It still doesn't.. all I need to know about electrical engineering is to switch on the right knob for the geyser. :)

I dont even know what I studied in MBA to mention the use of it today.

Agreed. Learning languages was so important.

But what most of us do today has nothing to do with most of the things mentioned earlier. So why did we really do so much slogging in school?

Why dont we teach people what they'll end up using. Why are vocational courses so unpopular in India? Why does everybody need to go through the wierd cycle of proving their aptitude in professional courses and still do that kind of job? Are these so called basics really the basics?

For people like me, working on some APO product, quality documents and enterprise architecture, the QWERTY typing knowledge is the key. Okay, some thinking at times as well... may be :)

All said and done I am sure it does help... Maybe not too apparently but it certainly does. Difficult to prove but it does.

But.. I hate to see that I have never had to use that Pythagoras theorem after school anymore. I lost out on a hot girl to another guy, just because he managed to prove it to the teacher and I couldnt.. Damn! she fell for his intelligence :(

The other day I went to an orphanage. As part of some corporate charity drive. I have been to few such organizations earlier... but this time it was slightly different.

The orphanage was run by a blind woman, her husband and two kids. I couldnt really make out what could really be driving this family to be so generous in life.

Not very surprisingly the place was in quite a bad shape. 50 kids living in what we call a 3 BHK kinda house!

But what touched me most was something else.. There was this really cute baby in the office, about 1 yr old, having fun in an almost broken cradle, smiling at me all the time we were in the office.

The caretaker told us that this girl was found in a dustbin, as a 4 day old baby. I could sense an involuntary tear desperate to roll down when I heard that. The girl looked so pretty, so innocent, so small.

My obvious initial reaction was despise for the parents to have dumped the kid like that. How heartless could anybody get, I thought. Then I wondered.. would it have been easy for them? Absolutely not.

I dont think my mom has lived for anything other than her kids in the last 30 years. So many times I have seen her in pain when we were in some sort of a trouble. And it must have been the case with the parents of that girl. It must have been very difficult for them.

Well, the point I am trying to make here is not really about parents and their love. Which is a statement beyond doubt. It is about the fact that everybody in this world has problems. Problems that are worse than yours. Much worse.

So the next time you find yourself in, what you think is, a big problem.. dont start losing hope. Dont curse yourself or your luck.

Because everytime you'll think of people like Sumi's parents, you'd realize that God has been good to you. And you know what.. it is highly likely that HE has been very good indeed. :)

What is it that makes you what you are? I was told about some theories where people talk about genetic transfer of attributes from parents or impact analysis of what you have been through as a kid et al. I have a different opinion.

I can see 5 absolutely different people in my family.. and 3 of us (brothers) went through 'almost' similar environments as kids and definitely have similar genetic inheritance.

The eldest one is an extremely intelligent man and I - to put it shamelessly - come quite close to being dumb among equals.

His organization and meticulous approach puts my MBA degree to shame and I am - to put it simply - a mess.
Responsible should have been his middle name and I am - to put it bluntly - a duffer.
His ambitions are quite scary at times and I am - to put it explicitly - clueless about tomorrow.
He is wierd with his emotions sometimes and I am - putting it modestly - quite controlled with my feelings.
He is quite the 'silent' type and I - to put it funnily - need police to stop me from yelling.

These are just examples of how different we are. Almost every situation that I can think of... I am sure the behaviour would be different.

And btw, the second one is radically different with his attitude towards life :). You cant even make any comparisons here!! That is another interesting find actually... more often than not, in a family of odd siblings, the elder one and the youngest one make good bumchums and the middle one(s) are often the 'other' kind. Wonder why :)

True, there are some basic attirubtes which are kinda similar. All of us are stubborn, emotional and reasonably generous.

But from a broader perspective, a neutral with affiliation to 'similar background similar attitude' theory, can never guess that we would have any kind of similar background.

Well, people can come up with arguments. that the environment that people might get to face outside the house is so different... which is definitely a valid argument! But some how I tend to think it is absolutely random.

Very very random!. The one who created us decided to have some fun and generally made people with different attitudes.. different ways of thinking.. reacting and behaving to what happens around us.

Inherently people are different.. and there is no particular aspect in their lives which has actually made them what they are... they are what they are because of HIS whims!

Well.. I know its gotten slightly vague by now.. but what I wanted to convey here is to not expect any particular kind of behaviour from people - based on whatever kind of background information you have from them...

How many times you have seen people saying .. how could 'his son' behave like that..  how can his sister be so audacious?? .. how is his friend behaving so differently??  Unfair.

Infact expect them to be different. Its quite fun actually to have this ambiguity :)

And it is so wise of HIM to have so many different strokes for all of us!! Lest the world would have been so very - colourless :)

It takes a good story for a movie to make you think. It takes much more than a story to make you go numb. I saw one movie recently and it did make me go numb. Interestingly.. this was the second time I was watching it!!

Btw, this is not a movie review. Its not an analysis at all by any means.. Almost every scene in the movie made me think... there were moments when I could hardly get out of the hangover of one striking scene when another happened.. but there were some scenes when I actually had to stop my media player to think about it for some time. This is more of a statement of my cerebral reactions to these few selected events in the movie... Rang De Basanti.

• One of the early scenes when Aamir khan and his friends meet up at Aamir's place... and they are joined by Madhavan - who works for the Airforce - and they strike up a conversation about their patriotism levels... And one of the guys makes a typical comment "... What should I be proud of my country about? Poverty, population, corruption?? There is nothing left in this place... As soon as I am done with my college.. I am gonna fly out!.."

More than 50% of the people from my college - one of the premier institutes of the country - are not in India.. More than 50% of them are sure to settle down there.. Not sure if any of them really thought about why they wanted to go. But am sure they didnt find anything compellingly good about this place. But that is what they were educated in such places for isn't it?? To make sure that there are enough reasons for people to love this place! Then how will the cycle ever get complete.. How long will be keep complaining?? How long will we just... There is so much to write about this.. but some other topic may be!..

• "College ke andar hum life ko nachaate hain.. aur college ke baahar life hum ko nachaati hai!.. "

How true. All those dreams you had when you are in college.. the thrill of learning, the thrill of being a student.. of hoping to be the future of the country... of hoping to be on the cover page of Times Magazine some day... all gone the day you land up in the corporate word. When you know that you are just another of those millions of 9-6 workers of the country.. who could not, by any means, make any difference to the GDP of the country :). Aah.. those best days!

• "Sarfaroshi ki tamanna..Ab hamare dil mein hai.."

One of my favourites... It always evokes a response from me.. can't explain here. Some poets are damn good with words and they can weave great poems by mere command over words and emotions.. And there are some who write when they lose command over their emotions.. this probably is one such outpour.

• When the parents of the muslim guy in the movie say those lines.. "Yeh hamara desh nahin hai.. Is desh ne kabhi hum ko apna nahin maana hai!"

Extremely controversial and very sad.. but I do know of some such people. I go to mosques fairly regularly and never ever did I hear anything like this there. These things are never based on religion actually.. there are completely different reasons altogether. I wish every body gets literate in this country... My teacher once by mistake said that there is a strong inverse relation between literacy and illiteracy .. this was a popular joke in our school, but come to think of it.. makes a lot of sense.. illiteracy is not just about not being able to read and write after all.

• The few scenes after Madhavan's death.

One of the biggest distress anybody can encounter is the death of your loved ones. It was depicted quite wonderfully in the movie. And Rehman's music just added so much more to those scenes!

Most of the rest of the movie was also quite awesome. But i didnt quite appreciate the concept of the movie.

I think it has more to do with the fact that I cannot ever understand how protagonists in movies are allowed to glorify violence. Rubbish. The show 'RDB salaam' is doing far better in terms of a social message I think.

On the brighter side I think i am in love with Soha already :).. Koi meri baat chalaa do!! And AR Rehman is a gift. Rest of that Aamir's gang are also damn good actors!

Abrupt ending? Didnt I tell you its not an analysis :).

Hastily written, arbit chain of thoughts. Dont have to 'look forward' to too much of sense in it :)

• One of the first things that I remember looking forward to was the icecream hawker on sundays selling his rita ice creams.
• The school days were quite awesome. I actually used to look forward to go to school everyday!
• Come summer holidays and visiting my grand parents was something that everybody at home very keenly looked forward too.
• Suprisingly I used to look forward for my exams when I was in school and more so for the exam results.
• I used to anxiously look foward to see that angel everyday. Read an earlier blog for more details.
• I couldnt wait for Tuesdays and Thursday when we had our Sports classes and those inter class football matches.
• I clearly remember looking forward to my first Inter School Cricket tournament.
• I remember waking up early mornings at 4 am to watch the world cup down-under which I looked forward to for months.
• School days and those skits and stage performances was something that most of us did look forward to.
• Donno since when but I have very very eagerly looked forward to watch Tendulkar bat. I still do.
• I looked forward to those evening sessions when I taught my batchmates Physics.
• When I took the newspaper in my hand I dont how keenly I looked forward to seeing my name in the JEE results list.
• Looked forward to first day at IIT.
• I did look forward to my first election results.
• I looked forward to my first informal valentine date from the day the girl said ok.
• I looked forward to the day my brother was about to return from the US for the first time.
• I was proudly looking forward for my convocation.
• Quite obviously I was extremely charged up and looked forward to the day I would receive my first pay-check.
• First day at the BSchool was quite worth looking forward to.
• Looked forward to internship placements of all my friends during summers.
• Very anxiously looked forward to my mom getting well soon after her operation.
• I woke up everyday looking forward to see that smile.
• I looked forward to XL meet with amazing fervour.
• I very keenly looked forward to Carpe-Diem and all JBS, dramatics and choreo shows at IIMC.
• Placements were quite disturbing but I still looked forward to it.
• Looked forward to my brother's marriage for months.
• Guddu's wedding was just as keenly looked forward to.

Motivation comes from what you look forward to. The enthusiasm levels might vary.. like the ice-creams were probably more enticing than most of the others. But still there has to be something to look forward to to keep you going.

Sometimes you do come across phases when you just cant imagine anything to look forward to... It can get quite disturbing. Loads of patience, good friends and a big heart will get you through. There is so much to do in life .. to live, for example :).

Within an year after IIMC almost 20% of my batch has changed its matrimonial status. And most likely within another year this figure will reach very close to 100%. Was just wondering if people were just waiting to complete their MBA so that they could get hitched on.. and probably fare better in the awesome Indian matrimonial market with a post graduation degree :)

The dynamics of the Indian groom/bride market makes quite an interesting study. A pefect Porter forces analysis is so very possible to this industry :). But to keep this blog accessible not just to dumb 'I love Jargon' MBAs, but also to the rest of the practically intelligent junta, I've tried to analyze just 1 key decision factor affecting the dynamics - How do you know that you are ready to tie the knot.

1) Chronological Age
Practically speaking this is probably the most prevalent determining factor in India. Still. And, ofcourse this age thing, again is quite dependent on your society, caste, blah blah.. Ask a Maadu in India and you'll know that the pressure starts as soon as he is out of his teens!. For the slightly urbane crowd the guy is ripe enough in the market between the age of 25-30 and the girl in around 22-27. Typically these ranges go down by almost 5 yrs in the rural segment.

There is an interesting logic given to justify chronological age as an important factor. Specially by moms. You get married by 25-27. Have fun for abt 5 yrs.. Have kids by 30. So by the time you retire the kids will be self-sufficient! Like.. the sole purpose of your existence is to ensure that the continuity of the heriditary hormone is maintained :).

2) Financial stability
Slightly more logical factor. But interestingly in India this is more relevant for guys only! The stabler the guy is in terms of his income the easier it gets for him to find a 'suitable' match. And I dont need to explain the correlation between this and his probable 'dowry' factor :).

3) Soulmate found
Another factor increasingly finding its prominence. But restricted to the slightly higher urban society. Guy/girl falls in love for the nth time (n lies between 1 and infinity) and realize that the soul mate has been finally identified and it is reasonably high time for naming the relationship which is slightly more acceptable to the society :)

4) Educational apetite
Donno how crucial or how important. But I know of some people who say, "Now that I have done my masters and I dont plan to study any more.. i think i should get married ". :O

5) Sedimentation
"Life mein settle hone hai yaar..". Another very common triggering factor to start productizing yourself in the industry. I actually tend to agree with this to a certain extent. I mean, you have done your experimentations with your academics, career and you think its time to look at settling down with whatever you have achieved by now. And in this settling down process, you would appreciate if there was some like minded person who could be there with you all along.

6) Perversion
:). There are some people who think they have reached a certain stage of desperation for physical affinity and need to get a legal licence to avoid social trauma. Quite rare, but a fairly valid reason.

7) Boredom
Strange but true. There are a lot of people I know who wanna get married just becos they are tired of ennui in life and need some action. And getting a guy/girl married is quite a long action-filled activity in India :). Infact there are plenty of cases when some people are adjudged suitable for marriage, because the kith and kin in the family are bored!! What say Freema Insane? :)

So, what is your reasoning? Do you really think you are ripe enough? And just FYI the reasoning that I would come very close to appreciating is #05.  [edited later ;) ]

I asked my colleague in Phillippines when is he planning to get married. He is 27. He says, "I am just waiting for my girl friend to get pregnant man.. After that I'll have to tie the knot!". Now that is some trigger :).

Well, I have to emphasise again that this analysis is strictly relevant to India.

"Hey dude.. what would you be if you weren't what you are now?.." somebody asked me the other day.
-----

I was kinda bright when I was young.. Not the academically brilliant type.. but you know the generally bright kind. I was good at a lot of things. I was not too sure what I wanted to do, but I was sure I was going to be different!

Okay so this bright guy had a dream one day.. of winning the nobel prize :).. And a full fledged dream for that! I even remember what I won it for. I had proposed a Grand Unified Theory :D.. [For the uninitiated, unified theories talk about proposing some fundamental laws/rules, which could explain every law in science!]

I had proposed one such theory which explained Theory of Gravity, Theory of Relativity and the Big Bang Theory.. Yes, I had a dream like this when I was 12 or something. So at that stage .. I was sure I was destined to become a scientist.

One miserable physics olympiad and I knew I was not going to be a laureate.. ever!

At about the same time I was getting slightly serious about sports. Cricket was the obvious pick for this typical desi gult. I started off as a fast bowler. I was quite quick for a 10-12 year old actually! I was surely going to represent India by the 1996 worldcup atleast.

In an Inter-school tournament, I could see there were atleast 6 other bowlers who could definitely bowl better than me. I went back home and actually calculated that at this rate even in the worst case there were atleast 395000 players who could represent India in the 1996 world cup :(

One crappy inter-school tourney and Indian blues were out of my closet.

I had a strong liking for literature in my college. I was absolutely enamoured by books. Used to spend hours in library reading through wierd stuff. And I could actually write good stuff. College mag editors always kept pestering me for articles. The pulitzer was goin nowhere.. a friend said!

One polite reject to my first article sent to the local newspaper and that was it to my claim for the Pulitzer prize.

I tried a lot of other things as well.. dramatics, music, quizzing, debating.. and actually did pretty well in a lot of them. But nothing good enough to take it up seriously as a career option.

So what did I actually do? Took sciences in my college because my father wanted to... became an engineer because my brothers were engineers too and did an MBA because all my friends were in BSchools.. and today am just another employee in the IT industry. Like 1.2 million others in India. Not very different huh? :)

But how many of us do what we want to or what we are good at? For that matter.. how many of us even know what we are 'good at'?

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"Donno dude.. I am still thinking what I am now..". I told him.

The TV is on. Star Movies. Some Denzel Washington Movie... have seen it before. White bedsheet with about 4 pillows all draped in white. A green blanket. A reading table which is as messy as it always is. Chips packet, remote controls, wallet, mobile phone. chair. Laptop on my lap. This has been the story for n days now. Not my fault if I am forced to think and pen down a few of my observations that I made in the past 3 weeks in Manila :-)

• Indians are an extremely intelligent race. Probably the best! [ Then I suddenly wonder why is it that we are still a 3rd world country. Then I see some men riding horses. And we all know horses are any day more powerful than the men riding them :-)]
• Indian women are undoubtedly the most beautiful creatures in the whole world. And I am not using probably here. [ And they have an awful dress sense. If they wear what girls wear here in Manila, India will top the charts as The Tourist Destination! :)]
• Indians have an awful civic sense. [ With traffic sense up there in the list!.. Gosh, the way people always use the zebra crossing to cross roads is such a sight!.. and trust me Manila is just as crowded as any other street in Bangalore!]
• People can survive on Maggi for weeks [ Ask me :-). Thanks Bhabhi for filling my bag with n maggi packets. What would I do here without them?? People here find it surprising that I dont find pig's ears a delicacy!!]
• I can live without speaking for more than an hour. Easily. [ Yeah.. I need to be writing/reading/sleeping then :-)]
• I am beginning to use a lot of smileys of late! [:-)]
• 'You have 1 New Messages' can actually bring a smile on your face. Each and everytime! [ Slightly offtrack... but when was the last time I wrote a letter to somebody.. as in snail mail?? when did you? ]
• I love my family and I love my friends! [ And I adore my country :-) ]
• And there are some awesome websites to spend time. [No, no.. the good ones too. Ask Golu :) ]
• God has made all people from the same super class [Every body cries. Every body laughs and every body wants money.]

Some people write awesome stuff on their blogs. Do read them. Lot of them are better than the stuff you pay money to read. Specially if you are the kind who always wonders... what must be the guy sitting there thinking??