The first time I remember it happened was when I was about 12 yrs old. Mom said.. "This is the most crucial exam for you ever. Make sure you do well this time beta. You get through this and you'll get admission into a good school. Life will be good after this."  I got lured into it. And studied so hard that I easily cleared the 7th standard entrance exam question paper, which was given by mistake instead of the 6th standard one.

And it hasnt stopped since then. Somebody or the other has made sure that every exam sounded to me like the most crucial one till date and like it was the last hurdle ever. And strangely... I fell it for it every single time!

My teachers did the con job throughout my schooling. "Last time you have to  struggle hard in your life. Trust me, if you do this well... you'll be a king", Razia ma'am told us before our class X exams.

Crap.. it just got worse. Thanks to the academic legacy of my brothers, every guest at home had just one thing to tell me "Look at them. Do it well this one last time time and everybody will look upto you the rest of your life!". Two years of consistent brain-washing and I got fooled again into struggling for it. I am sure thats when my hair started greying.

Anyway, I did cross that hurdle. Only to realize that the next 4 years of graduation were defined by just one word - slogging. And somehow hoping that it would end some day, I scraped through the those myriad of hurdles. I distinctly remember our placement head, Prof. Bhaskaran telling us.. "Gentlemen, this would be the last time that you'll be put through a strain. Life is waiting with open arms after this". I couldnt wait. And I put my best foot forward.

How wrong I was. Life was waiting.. with not just open arms but a lot of ammunition too.

At work, every project milestone was the last big thing according to my manager.
Every certification was the opening door to an enchanting career growth according to our training co-ordinator. Sigh!

"Get an MBA and your life is settled". That was the only time my dad really told me something like that. I gave him the benefit of doubt. And took it on.

B-school was obscurely funny. Those tests, those presentations, those crazy deadlines, those placement interviews.. I am sure, most of us got through based on just one school of thought.. "Put crack this one last time."

I am now almost 4 years into corporate life after that and it has been no different.

Maybe thats how life is defined. You struggle hard to get past a hurdle hoping that it would be all rosy after that... only to stare at another big one.
But, perhaps that is the only thing that keeps us going... keeps us awake... keeps us alive... the next big hurdle.

Exactly 6 months from the time I said Qubool when I was asked if I was ready to sacrifice my bachelorhood.
Here's the story of my evolution into another married man!

Month-1
* In-laws stared at me for hours.. perhaps to evaluate the extent of the damage they have caused to their daughter
* Suddenly there was an attack of wierd colours in my wardrobe - Pink, Green, Yellow, Red!! Gosh..
* And a sudden attack of wierd cosmetics.. People actually use what they show on TV!
* I have lost count of the number of dinner invitations I had to attend in this month. 2 Digenes per night was normal.
* Had a tough time explaining to people how and why I forgot inviting them for the wedding.

Month-2
* In-laws continued staring.
* I couldnt believe that I had to think twice before planning my weekend cricket!
* I must have visited almost every shopping mall/store in Bangalore.
* Now, there was another very interesting reason for me to come back home!
* Had my first fight with her. It was hillarious :)

Month-3
* In-laws gave up on staring. Obviously, because they werent around :)
* Shopping, movies and restaurant bills were now major items in my monthly balance sheets
* Travel costs tripled. Strange. No. of people increased only by 2!.
* Of course, all kinds of travel packing is completely outsourced now.
* Fought again.. Was funnier this time!

Month-4
* I didnt know it was so much fun to gift somebody something without too much of a reason.
* Suddenly realized that I am never alone! Never at all.. Good or bad?
* Slow transformation of taste buds - beginning to like her cooking.
* Couldnt help wonder how my clothes, socks, hand-kerchiefs, bedsheets, curtains were all absolutely clean!
* Now, I can actually invite people to my home!
* Fought again. Hell.. I have no idea why!

Month-5
* Was it just me or was she really getting beautiful by day??
* I could be black-mailed into not watching sports! Indeed!!
* Beginning to realize that women need to talk to remain alive. And eat to get energy to talk.
* I loved watching her talk..
* Fought again.. And this time the argument was not funny at all.
* I still ended up laughing like crazy at the end of it.

Month-6
* Now, I know her more than I know myself. She is so different from what I thought she'd be. And I am happier now that I married her.
* I am fine with somebody being with me all the time. I think I like it.
* For once, I am pampering someone else.
* Still thinking of ways to convince her that watching sports is better than just talking to each other :)
* I contribute to the colour in the wardrobe now!
* We dont fight as much. But we know exactly when we think we are about to fight.. and one of us smiles. Half the battle is over

For a change, somebody asked me if the effort to marry is worth it.. I couldnt help quoting Morpheus..
"Unfortunately nobody can be told what the matrix is.. You have to see it for yourself!"

I remember those initial days when I had just got Orkutised. Everybody I knew was already there.
I used to send and receive friend requests by dozens a day! I was thrilled. I was always the 'networking' kinda guy you see.
I dont think I received too many of those 'May ya do frensip wid me?' requests.. but I have had my share of those stranger requests and crushes as well.

It was THE source of entertainment and timepass for me. I could talk to my friends who I had lost touch ages ago.. write and receive testimonials on how I felt about my good friends... scrap people sitting right beside me. Oh.. it was fun!

And like any other fad it died soon. I still log in everyday.. but thats more as a 'via' station to gmail.

But of late I started exploring something a little more interesting about orkut. The communities.

There are communities for everything. Communities for vegetarians, non-vegetarians... India, Pakistan... cricket, Soccer... Sachin, Dravid ... Arsenal, Man U... Rehman, Anu Mallik... Shahrukh, Aamir... Congress, BJP... Bush, Obama... Islam, Hinduism... Dark chocolates, Milk Chocolates...Love you, Love you not... Literally anything!

I joined all the ones I really felt I belonged to. India Community was obviously the first one. Sachin the second. And so on..

I think there is a lot you can learn from these communities. The best one being the anti-matter theory - Two communities can have two completely different view points on a same topic/event.

A cricket match result, for e.g. can have a completely different view point in a Tendulkar community compared to the one in Saurav Ganguly community.
A bomb blast can evoke amazingly different responses in India community and Pakistan community.
An election result can mean celebrations to one community and remorse for another.
A film can be declared the hit of the century on one community and a dismal flop on another.

Its fascinating to read the kind of posts on these communities.. to realize how people can have different opinions on same thing.
And the best part is.. most often not too many of them are factually wrong!

There are lots of people on orkut, who have never been able to speak up in life.
Orkut might be the first experience of a 'free for all' podium for such people.. and can thus get nasty and ruthless with some of their opinions.

It is great fun and very educational if you can understand points of view and then try to fit them in your paradigm.
But I have realized.. there are ample opportunities to get corrupted, misled and even'brainwashed'!

Social networking is a beautiful concept.
I know of people who are getting married after meeting on orkut. I have seen startups coming up based on ideas shared here.

But like every beautiful thing, it comes with a few caveats. You just gotta be aware before you scrap :).

PS: Talking about beautiful things and caveats..I think I need to blog next about married life :) watch this space!

If you ask me, the most underrated technological innovation of recent times is the snooze on the alarm! And despite this, I am almost always late out of bed. Well.. perhaps it is because of the snooze!

Anyway, after giving up on snoozing the alarm after the 9th time, I somehow dragged myself out of the bed and realized I missed my company bus again. Which meant I would have to use public transport again. And this was the 3rd time in a row this week.

And when I reached my bus stop, I noticed her again. And this time she smiled back at me. Finally, I thought! It was bound to happen eventually. I was seeing her sitting at the bus stop everyday from the past 3 days. She was the prettiest thing I had seen in days.. for sure!

Normally, I am not too good at walking up to strangers and saying hi. But I felt like doing that with her today. And hi I did. She helloed back. I was happy I had started it!

"You waiting for a bus?", I asked.  She looked at me. I was sure that was the stupidest question I ever asked.

Okay wait. I think there was a wierder instance. After 3 impressive interview rounds, a mighty pleased interviewer asked me if I had any questions. I asked him.. "Where did you buy this tie?". I know you guessed the result of the interview.

Anyway, I couldnt let the effort to look and sound like a nice guy from the past 3 days to go down the drain with that one question. I had to do something to repair the damage.

"I mean.. I have never seen you boarding any bus. You looking for some auto? " I tried to giggle. I was proud of my presence of mind. Thankfully, she smiled.

And I noticed she had awesome dimples.

"Aah.. so you have dimples too", I blurted out. She didnt find it amusing. I think, she realized these were stupid and desperate attempts to strike some conversation. But she still smiled and it was indeed the most perfect smile ever!

And again, my bus had come before hers and I had to leave.

Almost a week after that. I had again missed the company shuttle and reached the bus stop. She was there again. Sitting at almost the same place.

And today she was looking prettier. This time I went and sat beside her.

"Hey, you live here or something? You never seem to move from here!", I tried being funny again. And I thought it was a reasonable attempt.
And that graceful smile came out again and I was sure she indeed was the most perfect thing that God ever made.

This time her bus came before mine. And she tried getting up and started doing something to her legs. I noticed she was adjusting her artificial limbs. I was sure I cried. The girl was handicapped with both of her legs.

Somebody from her school bus had to get down and help that little kid get into the bus.
And as she gave that pleasant smile from the bus again... I realized some creations dont have to be complete to be perfect!

He always refused to be the 'just another' man.

He had to walk many miles to find anything better than the local primary school. And walk, he did. His brilliance was recognized much beyond the boundaries of his place. For a village, where the postman was probably the only guy who could read, his academic acumen, that brought him laurels all around, was an enigma.

Everytime he observed that he had to follow instructions to earn his ale, he refused to budge. He tried many employers and finally settled in venturing as an entrepreneur. He earned a lot of respect, but hardly any money. For his friends, who believed his technical genius could have taken him to incredible ranks, his radical attitude towards work was an enigma.

He was an extremely gregarious and social human being. His sense of humour, or probably the wierd approach to life, was enjoyed by one and all. He could make anyone laugh, and was refused to be bound by social etiquettes or norms. For his relatives, who believed that sober society consciousness was such a big deal, his ability to find the lighter side of everything was an enigma.

He was a strong man and a very healthy man. And yeah, it was despite the indiscipline in his food habits and general lifestyle. But, he rarely visited the doctors. Even simple ailments like fever or cold could not bother him for more than a night. But in less than two months of his first major hospitalization, after a reasonably healthy middle age, he succumbed to a heart attack. For his family, who had never ever seen him as anything close to being a weak old man, even his death was an enigma.

Born in a family where earning for the next meal was a big deal, he dreamt much bigger. And everything about him was so different, so enigmatic. But ironically, despite all the hype around him, he led a simple life and died an even simpler death.

He was once returning from a friend's daughter's wedding. And when everybody around him was judging the grandeur of wedding, he made a wise remark. He told his son, "The only thing people will judge in your funeral is how good a man you were. Nothing else"

Congratulations Dad! The verdict in your funeral was unanimous. You were a good man. We will miss you.

After the fight with the friend, the only good thing about that day was that I was to meet Golu. I was to fly to Delhi in the evening and was looking forward to it. But when Murphy decides that it is a bad day then it will remain a bad one!

Flight delayed by enough to ensure that I reached Delhi after 12 and make it a new day :). And btw, I have never heard of any other reason for the flight delays.. "due to the late arrival of incoming aircraft..". Crap.

And I sit in the airport for 2 hours waiting for the boarding announcement as I watch the mad crowd and the madder airport staff grappling with strange problems.

Atlast I boarded. And was welcomed by a couple of disgruntled uncles and an aunty. Indian Airlines...

I looked at my ticket and realized my seat no. was 15B, the middle seat. I didnt mind that. Probability of having an inspiring company beside me doubled!

As I walked towards 15B, I noticed probability was halved immediately. A duffer was already seated in 15A. Quite a clown he was. Wierdly funky t-shirt, big spectacles with magnifying glass, protruding teeth and a smile that could kill. Literally.

But I smiled. I realized that I have atleast another 50% of chance... poor chap must have given up all hopes looking at me ;). I wish I could get to see his blog :).

Anyways, I got into my seat and waited for some miracle to happen. Miracle, coz it had never happened before. In any form of journey... bus, train, flight.. never.

And then this beautiful girl got into the plane. She looked like Bipasha from a distance. I waited, hoping against hope.. She walks past 10, 11, 12.. comes upto my seat and asks me.. "Excuse me, is this 15?". I beamed at her and said, "One five fifteen.. yes".

"Oh good.. 16, 17, 18.. aah thats my seat. Thanks!". And she walked past.

I couldn't stop smiling. At myself. And the day.

It was not over.. I realized.. when this dark, fat, ugly old man came and somehow wriggled into the seat beside me. He was too big for the seat. He should have been charged atleast 1.5 times the others. And I dont know if it was the horn effect, but I thought he stinked too. With that stink, those huge, perenially flaring nostrils, and the big face.. I decided to call him the hippo.

Sandwiched between a clown and a hippo. I resigned to my fate.

The plane took more than half an hour to take off. Waiting for the runway to get cleared. Gosh.

A li'l while after take-off I noticed that this hippo uncle was carrying loads of brochures. Of a lot of NGOs, most of them orphanages. I wouldnt have bothered asking, but he was actually carrying atleast a hundred of them! So, my general curiosity overpowered my hatred for that hippo. And I asked him.. "How come you have so many of those?".

"I work for them"

"All of them?".

He smiled. "Yes. Actually I am a freelancing NGO consultant. I somehow find out about any NGO anywhere in the country in any kind of need and I go there and work for them. Helping them generate funds. And there are so many such organizations needing help. From the mountains in the north-east to the jungles of south.. everywhere. There are so many people doing so much good work in the country. I go upto them and try helping them..".

Suddenly his voice was sounding great. And I asked, "NGO consultancy sounds like interesting work!".

"Well, its hard and dirty work. But the passion keeps me going".

"But so many brochures?".

"I work for atleast 30-40 NGOs at a time".

"Wow.. that is great. And you charge a percent out of the funds generated. That sounds like a good philanthropic business idea!".

"Not really. i dont charge anything".

"Then how do you manage your expenses?".

"I work for 2 years. Thankfully I have a lot of my friends from my IIT and Carnegie days who get me some kind of job for these 2 years. And then spend the money I saved in these 2 years on this work. As soon as I am broke, I go back to work."

I was speechless. Suddenly the dark, fat, ugly old man looked different.

"So what do you do?" he asked me.

After quite a while, "Nothing, really", was all that I could manage.

And after we landed in Delhi, the day just got summed up wonderfully. That clown was received by an absolutely gorgeous female at the airport.. Apparently his fiancee.

And again, I couldn't stop smiling. At myself. And the day.

Short story. Simple lesson.

I had a tiff with my friend the other day. Actually it was brewing from a while.

We were arguing quite randomly. True, we do that quite often... but this time I was getting angry. Very angry.
A few years ago, I had stopped talking to another of my very good friend because of a similar caustic argument. And I was just as angry then.

I was scared my anger was getting beyond my control and I told her as much. But she kept arguing on the rights and wrongs in the discussion. And perhaps was right about a lot of things.

I realized a very important thing at that moment.. There will be a lot of situations in your life when you are in an argument and you are sure that you are on the 'right' side. But in some such cases its not all that important to reason out an argument. It is more important to ensure that you dont lose that person for some stupid argument which really did not deserve to be adjudged.

So, try killing your ego for just a li'l while and stop reasoning. And smile :).

[Okay now for the actual gyaan part.  :)]

Sometimes getting a smile back on somebody's face is more important... than winning an argument. Specially when those people are important.
Because losing that argument may not hurt you for long. But losing those people might quite certainly do.

One of the constant criticism I have been subjected to since I could remember anything is that I needed to grow up. And stop being a kid. And this statement has been made so very often that I had stopped taking this as a criticism and started believing that it was an absolutely natural part of my self.

Of late, I think I have started taking this slightly more seriously. And probably because it was coming from people really close to me. And probably because I started thinking that they actually wanted me to change.. wanted me to grow up!

So, I was wondering what is it about me that made so many people around me believe that I never grew up..

Is it because I cannot help finding the funnier side in almost everything that happened around me? [As far as I remember, I dont remember rubbing on anybody's wrong side while trying to exercise my most grown sense... the sense of humour that is.]

Or is it because I express almost everything that I feel. [ Quite explicitly animated expression at times. It was something that was definitely debated very often. I have always believed so much in expression... and I agree I do go overboard a lot of times becuase it does not really matter to me what it meant to the 3rd party who did not quite understand the context... Cant help it. I dont want to die without telling what I felt about them. By hook or by crook :)]

Or is it simply because I am just too dependent on some people. [Hmmmm.. Most frequently quoted reason. But funny I have this strange concept of showin my affection to people by becoming dependent on them. I mean if I tell you that I am quite incomplete without you being around.. its quite a compliment, ain't it?]

Or it could quite be because I consider that being emotional is quite normal [ I mean as long as you are mature enough to not embarass anybody I think its fine.. Btw, quite contratory to popular beliefs, I think quite highly of my maturity levels :).. and have some good reasons to think so. Can discuss in detail offline :)]

Or does it have anything to do with my funny histronics. [Actually this has been the most basic reason. But I think its an offshoot of one of the aforementioned reasons. So no comments really.]

There might be a few other reasons also but these I think are definitely the top 5 in the list.

And despite my arguments against the 'allegations' [statements in the braces above :)],  I think today I appreciate every reason cited above.

Do I agree to them? Well, I am not sure. But I am sure that as of now, I dont have the confidence to carry those histrionics off the way I used to. Probably that is very much the start of what some people call 'growing up' :)..

Continued from Part I..

"I dont know :).. I am not suggesting anything. I am just worried that you'll tie me up with somebody I dont even know and I'll suffer the whole life if I cant get along with her."

"Okay. So, how'd you prefer it to be then? " asked a slightly worried Mom.

"I want to be sure that I am marrying somebody I WANT to marry".

"Love marriage you mean?".

"Yeah. But that word has different meanings for different people. So, I didnt use it."

"Great!.. but I think you used a more important word there. WANT. Its quite the perfect word. Indeed, its all about who you WANT to marry"

She continued. "Chuck the Yash Chopras and the Karan Johars.. you dont fall in love generally. Love happens because you WANT it to happen! Ofcourse, the reasons for that WANT can be different. And in the so-called arranged marriages, all we are trying to do is to provide some of these reasons! And you know what.. very interestingly, the reasons in case of arranged marriages are much safer than those otherwise!".

"So what are you suggesting now?".

"I am suggesting that we want you to fall in love".

" whattt??", and I looked at her.

"Yes, We want you to look at somebody and when you find something in her that can make you WANT to fall in love with her. Tell us, we'll make enough provisions for you to fall in love. Some people also call these provisions 'Marriage'!".

"And if that want doesn't last long??".

"That is the beauty of marriage!! The WANT almost always ends up lasting long!". She smiled.

Was I convinced? I am not sure. But mom's argument was sound. Very sound.

PS: Quite a bit of the stuff here is fictious and spiced up. It may not be a verbatim reproduction of the conversation. But the essence of the discussion is pretty much covered.

This guy comes from the US. Meets a girl his parents set up for him on a Sunday. The guy and the girl okay each other on the Monday and the marriage happens on the Thursday. And this is no fiction. Actually happened with a family friend of mine!!. And am sure it is quite a regular story with a lot of people in our country.

4 days was probably slightly too fast, but I dont think the average time is anything more than 15-20 days in such cases.

"Absolutely insane! So very ridiculous, wierd and outrageous", I said.
"But thats how arranged marriages happen beta ", said my Mom.
"How on earth can you decide  about a girl you want to spend the rest of your life with, in just 1 freaking meeting??"
"Your father met me just once. And I have not been that bad a wife or a mom. kyun?"

I was silent for a long while.

"But, so much has changed . Lifestyles are so different. Haven't you had to compromise on many things?"

She was silent for a long while.

"Yes, I have had to. But do you really think there are no compromises in love marriages?"

Silence from this end.

"Yes, but isnt the risk factor higher in arranged cases? I mean if I am in love, I have understood the girl so much that I could probably have already considered all the negative shades already?".

Silence from there.

"But marriage is not about just the girl. Its about the family too. And in a lot of likelihood arranged marriages happen between understanding families. Trust me. You cannot live happily if both families are not supportive. And then why cant you consider all the negative shades of your wife? Why just the girlfriend?After all you also met your girlfriend for the first time kabhi na kabhi? And dont worry we'll ensure that you meet the girl a few times".

No words for a minute.

"But ma, I cannot make out anything about anybody easily.".

"We'll help you. Dont worry".

"Areeeeeeeeee..."
"Areeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...."

"I am not convinced."

"Why, what is your problem?" asked Mom.

"Areeee. Itna bada problem hai!! How can you not see it??. Okay forget me. Think about the girl. You know, its so difficult to bear me if you are not madly in love with me. What if the girl doesnt like me?."

"Yes, the risks are there in both cases. But, statistically speaking, love marriages are more susceptible to breakups!!".

:O Silence again. A long one.

"Crap.. thats because statistically speaking the guys who get into arranged marriages are the ones who dont believe in freedom. And only believe in compromises."

"So, what are you suggesting?".

"I dont know "..

We were not done. The conversation continues in the next blog.